Despite enrolling in a wide variety of courses from economics, to anthropology, to sociology, I was constantly questioning myself about what truly interests me. Surprisingly, it was the one Japanese class that answered my concern. We were assigned to read a contemporary novel, namely Happy Dining Table, by Maiko Seo. Its literary ability to conceal tragedy and makingmake readers immerse into its comedic family drama, while gradually exposing the moral satire of life and death, is what amazed me. I further found this feature to be subsistence back to the 1910s, the active year of one of my favorite authors, Akutagawa Ryunosuke.

For me, earlier Akutagawa’s earlier literature, such as The noseNose or Tobacco and the Devil, has the power of merging multiple Japanese disciplines, from history, and religion to cultural identities. While his later literatures showliterature shows a strong autobiographical inclination, howthe way he useduses humor to reflect the sarcasm and realism of Japanese society in Kappa fascinates me. Upon reading his novels, I came to realize that it is the awareness of social conceptual knowledge that gives complete meaning to a work of literature, triggering me to further dive into different academic discourses.

By attending history toand culture courses, one element I find to be coexisting is “Duality”“Duality.” Growing up in China, I was exposed to political conflicts, were common andwhich made me wonder about the reason behind Japanese imperialistic reminiscentreminiscence. How Japan addressaddressed its historical problems was more than governmental discouragement, but; it was an aporia fluctuating between truth confrontation and victim consciousness. The reason for this dualism became more apparent following a culture course covering on the disenchantment of Japanese capitalist society. What Japan wants the outside world to perceive is its perfectionism of social harmony, ordered population, and modernity. This is identical to what I have experienced living in Japan, the tendency to live under its glory instead of facing darker sides of social collapse.